artist-problems: I want everyone to realize the...

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

I want everyone to realize the first line of this photo. “Self-Harm Is Not Always Obvious” When I tell people I self-harm, they ask to see my scars. It is almost impossible for them to comprehend the idea of someone self-harming without cutting or burning.

Self-harm comes in many shapes and forms. My self-harm came in the form of eating to cause myself terrible pain and eventually throw up. I also hurt myself with my own thoughts, laying for hours in a terrible position as I picture every pain possible to feel, physical and emotional. I gave up all self-worth and all hope and happiness. I allowed myself to slowly wither and die away on the inside. It was terrible, and it seemed no one understood.

And then I got help. I found a psychiatrist, and she didn’t work out very well. She was also pregnant, and soon left on maternity leave. Her replacement was wonderful. We had an amazing relationship and we made progress and she helped fish me out of my dark despair and handle the darkness that had been born in my mind.

However, this is no small step, and getting help feels difficult when you are in the position I was once in. Getting help feels wrong for so many reasons; because you don’t want to admit to anyone how sick you’ve become, because you don’t want to be crazy, and, most importantly, because you don’t really know if you deserve to get better.

But if anyone takes anything from my story, I would want them to know how important it is to get help, and to realize that there is nothing wrong with them for feeling this way. It is not your fault, you are not crazy, and there is no shame in admitting what you feel. You do not deserve to feel so, and you truly hold the right to ask for help in getting out of your dark place.

If speaking to doctors feels too big a step, take a smaller one. Speak to a friend, a guardian, a teacher, a family member. Speak to a pet, a picture, a diary, a plant. Anyway you you feel fit and comfortable with, express what is going through you and recognize, at least for yourself, the difference between where you are now and where you really need to be. Little by little, you can work your way up to getting help and support from wherever you feel it will best suit you; be that from home, from school, from friends, from doctors, or from anywhere else you feel comfortable.

If any of that seems wrong for you, speak to a stranger on Tumblr or anywhere else. Heck, message me at http://undefinedunicorn.tumblr.com/

Please get help if you self-harm or feel depressed in any way. And if you know someone who seems like they are depressed and unhappy, be good to them and support them; make it clear that you are there for them whenever they need you, and that they are never alone in their suffering. It is up to all of us to eliminate the depression faced by our neighbors by being better human beings and supporting the efforts of those trying to get out of their darkest hour, as well as recognizing the signs of those still too deep to find escape.

Sorry for the non-submission based post, but this is very very important. Just so you all know, my ask box is always open on my personal blog. Another very helpful and very nice blog is http://emergencycenter.tumblr.com/. If you are dealing with something please let it be known.

Also remember to wear orange tomorrow!

yachumi